Part 1:
Miss Take was on her way to an appointment when she realised her bike was stolen. She was very sure that it was locked, stored away in a safe place for no one to take advantage of it. But nevertheless, gone. Then she started laughing, why did the bike have to be so awesome? Nobody has a chance to let such an awesome bike pass by. She was not angry, just disappointed in humanity, which is somehow worse because the feeling would last longer and contain more profound thoughts. She was disappointed that some people would still prioritize selfish winning over solidarity, over honesty, over integrity, over virtue. But for that reason exactly Miss Take wanted to be kind, for no matter the amount of vices in the world, they are the ones who are hurting the most. How interesting, she thought to herself. The ones who are hurting will always hurt others, if they don't break the cycle of their hurtings. And then she walked, knowing that there was absolutely nothing to do but enjoy the rain.
Part 2:
Miss Take knew it was a mistake to inhale smoke inside her body. Her virgin lungs screamed for oxygen, while thick dark smoke entered, like a rapist who would force himself on a little girl. She started coughing, eyes teary. Cognitive dissonance is very interesting, and anyone with a right sense of mind will experience this at any point in their lives. How come? She pondered. Anyone who is for life would surely not engage in self-sabotaging behaviour against life? And yet, here she was, inhaling smoke that would in the long run kill her. Breath gives life, but not this kind of breath. She became very self aware. Miss Take kept thinking. When I am alone I will tend to myself. I will grow and evolve to become better. And I will never be an opponent to myself. I am not in competition. She smiled and felt a sense of peace derived from her conclusion. At least she would not engage in any self-sabotaging behaviour in the future. She would do her utter best. And then Miss Take inhaled another round of smoke.
Part 3:
Miss Take cried herself to sleep last night. Her heart was bursting with sadness, with longing. Just one more time, she thought. I just need one more. And then I will let you go. But to not be able to experience that one more time? I would rather die. Heart aching, eyes tearing and body shaking she got out of bed. At least her bladder still functioned normally. What a great feeling, to be able to release waste from the body, just like satisfying an itchy itch. But she still felt heavy, head hanging low. She knew now that a part of the meaning of life was love. To just love, every being, every flower, every leaf... and make existence easier for everyone and everything. What a great place that would be, if love would just exist unconditionally. That made her determined to feel this heartache through, get better, and love. If everyone entered a state of joy, a state of love, she was sure that every problem that exist in this world would cease to exist. Because problems are a made up concept. In reality, there are no problems. Problems are only defined as problems by human beings because they can cause uncomfortable situations, feelings, emotions; and human beings are pleasure seekers. Miss Take exhaled and went back to sleep.
Part 4:
Miss Take looked at her male peers and wondered if they too understood the true sacredness of a bleeding vagina. And the true pain of it. A small price to pay in order to create life. She suddenly felt a burst of anger, mainly directed at everyone who only had surface-level thoughts about the menstrual cycle and what it really means. But she did not want to become a radical feminist, the ones that are angry at everything. In fact, she did not want to be associated with any -ists. For her, believing in something so utterly narrow and appointing it to her identity meant death; too many attachments in order to live. No, she felt a burst of anger, but the difference now was that it was not directed at anyone. Suddenly the anger turned into sympathy, for the ones who only had surface-level thoughts. They have not truly been able to connect to life on a deeper level. There are so many cultural and social believes about menstruation, but people often forget to connect it to the process of Creation. Miss Take became tired of all these thoughts. And yes, she was bleeding quite a lot now, and realised it was time for her to change her pad. So she left her thoughts to be and proceeded to finish her duty as a female embodiment on this physical world.
Part 5:
I'm truly sorry mister... Miss Take exclaimed. But my nude body is not for the pleasures of male consumption. I wont let it be degraded in any way. It is a work of art. A fine machinery. Every single cell working together to create a whole. My own body built this, from the nutrition given directly from Mother Earth. Miss Take teared up, thinking of the cooperation and interconnectedness of the Universe present in herself.
You have forgotten the sacredness of beauty, only thinking of winning and utilizing. Like everything else on this planet, beauty is sacred, and not for consumption. One can only bathe in it, feel awe for it, but never crave it for yourself. If you do desire, you have lost entirely to your own ego, your biggest nemesis. So don't pick up the flower. Let it be, and let it live. Miss Take then proceeded to take all her clothes off. She was completely naked. Look at me, but never desire me. My nudity is simply beauty, and not meant for consumption. Go fuck some pornography. I will not be fucked, only loved, only lived. Do not correlate nudity with sex; if you do, are you aware of the social wiring your brain has been through? Oh, dear... Miss Take sighed. Feel free to rewire yourself, and good luck. I will wait here patiently, mister.
Part 6:
Miss Take was walking down the hall to take a long dreaded test. Her heart rate was slightly elevated, her mood slightly inferior compared to normal states. She walked with firm steps; assertive, assured, confident, forceful. She had to take a long dreaded test. The test that would have an impact on her foreseeable future. The test that would decide her level of discipline, work ethics, and knowledge bank. Except, she lacked all those three, relying mostly on her intuition. Miss Take knew it was a mistake to set foot inside these halls, where the slaughtered dreams and visions of other misses echoed, lingering in the walls of these halls. Fuck this shit, she thought to herself, almost spitting on the cold marble floor. After this test I will go put on some hard techno. She made a promise to herself, no matter what, that her self worth was not going to be determined by anything other than nothing. She dropped the idea of self worth. What the fuck is self worth? What the fuck is self? What the fuck is worth... For once in Miss Take's life, she did not make a mistake. She became worthless and selfless, and danced to hard techno, surrendering to the vibrations and the frequencies and the hardass bass.
Why am I writing, and why am I deploying it here? Truthfully, it is for my own sake; to get the endless summing of my mind out on paper. To throw away the residual waste my mind is always producing. Because it is hard for me to be still, and hard for me to quiet my mind. I have gotten better at it, as I have become more conscious of the streams that are ongoing in my mind; to just observe my thoughts and accept what comes. I have lived the past two years in a fog, not really in touch with who I am as a person. The external me is always (maybe not always) able to hold up a facade, and smile, even though the internal me screams for change. Internal me has been conflicted, hurt, confused, angry. So, so angry… at how things have been, at how things turned out. So angry at everything. But it is useless of course, however, I can't help it. I have gotten less angry now, and it is almost humorous at how angry I was as a child, or teenager, but very understandable.
Hence, my objective is to let off steam through writing. Find a channel to get rid of intense emotions and feelings, as I often struggle with calming down or relaxing. External me looks chill, always nonchalant, always perfectly at ease. Well, I often am. But other times, there are feelings and emotions raging inside me that I wish to let out, but have no means to do so.
It will not be a clear red thread on the blog. Randominity will occur, as I feel this is the true nature of my mind. This will be my mental map to delve into truth, whatever that may be. My journey with life, and my experience with different situations that I encounter. This will be an objective observer of myself, which is also me.
I am not my body. I am not my mind.